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OK, I have a confession…
This is hard for me, Darth Prefectus, to admit.
I just found myself rooting for a Jedi and a Rebel Princess who both were battling Sith Lords!
I’m having a conflict of principles here. Oh, I probably should explain to you that I’m speaking of rap battles here. In specific, Star Wars Rap Battles!
Put your lightsabers back up, SiTH Clan.
There is a disturbance in the force. That disturbance was caused by KFace TV when they jumped through hyperspace to that galaxy far, far away to record four dope rap battles:
Darth Vader vs Princess Leia
Palpatine vs. Obi-Wan
Boba Fett vs. Han Solo
Luke Skywalker vs. C-3PO
I’ve seen Star Wars “Rap Battles” before, but honestly these are the first ones that I have seen that are true to the Hip-Hop craft! My favorite two were “Darth Vader vs Princess Leia“ and “Palpatine vs Obi-Wan”. I’m going to cover these two awesome battles in this article.
Battle I: Darth Vader vs Princess Leia
This battle feature father versus daughter. Vader almost force choked some poor heckler to death at the beginning of the battle. Lucky for that guy, the Emperor got Vader to focus on the upcoming battle!
Honestly, Leia has some surprisingly dope skills. Her rhyme structure and flow are both on point. She had some pretty good punchlines too:
I’ll stick your charred face ‘tween a rock and a hard place/
The only thing that you could ever win is a pod race/
Whoa. She must really believe Anakin is still a family man to be talking like that to Vader!
Black Pleather and Plastic it’s time to play hard ball/
Where’d you get your outfit? The Darth Maul?/
However, in true Sith Lord fashion, Vader came back with a vengeance:
Schoolin’ you in rap and you can’t play hookie/
Shave your legs Leia you’re to short to be a Wookie/
Who knew Leia had hairy legs?! Sounds like Han’s been snitching…
Vader’s first verse was good, but in the second verse, Vader spit the fatality bars as he accused Leia of incest:
Are you on drugs Leia someone get her a piss test/
I’m the Dark Lord but I’m not into incest/
Uh oh… we all know where this is going, right?
Watch your language you’re making me stressed/
You kiss your brother with that mouth? Oh Wait. Yes./
Ooooh! Then came the finisher:
I’m still your father Leia what was I supposed to do/
I had to cut off Luke’s hand to keep his hands off you/
Charred. Winner: Darth Vader aka Darth Hater
Battle 2: Palpatine vs. Obi-Wan
The Emperor versus the Jedi Master who once had Anakin and Luke under his tutelage. The Emperor rapping? This oughta be good.
The Emperor comes out hard! The power of the dark side is indeed strong if the Emperor’s flow is an indicator. Obi-Wan shouldn’t underestimate the power of the dark side, as the Emperor spits:
You suck like a mosquito so you better check your ego/
Vader killed you real early barely outlived Greedo/
‘Bout to get the best of you electrify the rest of you
Ugly, old man, I need a Guinness just to look at you
My Star Wars O.G.’s see the true punchline in that last bar! My favorite lines from Palpatine came in his second verse:
I took your little friend and then I turned him into Vader
Then Vader took a Saber and he cut through your Equator
That was literally a killer stanza. Obi-Wan wasn’t a punk in this battle though. In fact, to me, he seemed more of the antagonist than the responder.
It’s like he got popped in the mug that he got/
Like he sneezed looking up but won’t clean up the snot/
Darth Hobo, you ain’t no Han Solo/
Imma cut a promo on this cocky Quasimodo/
I’m not gonna lie. The Emperor was dope, but Obi-Wan was on a whole ‘nother level. Almost every set of bars Obi-Wan spit had a dope punchline in it. If Obi-Wan made an album, I’d cop it. His second verse settled the issue of who the winner was:
Live to see 100? Don’t know how you’ll do it/
He’s got to use the force to make a bowel movement/
Palpatine can’t take a dump without using the force? That’s messed up!
Obi-Wan’s final bars destroyed Palpatine. These are my favorite of the entire song:
Palpatine got Diabetes, got the Sugars, Bronchitis/
Hepatitis, caught a virus, rotten teeth, Gingivitis/
Arthritis, Blindness, and his head is super bald/
But when it comes to rappin’ Palpatine ain’t sick at all/
Winner: Obi-Wan aka Obi-1Da
These battles are very creative and the emcees can actually spit, unlike most parody rappers. The other two battles, “Boba Fett vs Han Solo” and “Luke Skywalker vs C-3PO“ are also classic parodies.
Hopefully, after you read this review, you will go subscribe to KFace TV’s YouTube channel and check out the other Star Wars Rap Battles. I’m about to…for the 23rd time!